it's the little things

On Monday I was feeling like totaly crap after catching some kind of bug at the party we did a photo shot at on Saturday. But the weather was nice, ( above freezeing) and though DD was sick as well, we NEEDED wood, and we had to just suck it up and go do it. so we went off to a freind house ( said friend who sold us the wood stove in fact) and chopped up some dead fall behind her garage and used a  sled to drag it over to the car over the snow in the side yard, and fill the back of the van with wood.

It didn;t take too long , but it totally sucked the energy out of me to do it. The last round of cutting with the chain saw, hubby took the saw and carved our initals in a block of wood. It seems so stupid and silly, but that to me, is better then a dozen roses or chocolates :)

I smiled and told him that now I would not be able to burn that log, I'd have to keep it and varnish it, to preserve it. He asked me why, and said it wasn't even the best he could do, he was just fooling around. I didn't care. it was spontanious, and I loved it. I told him that I would keep it and when I'm 92 and the great grandkids are visiting me and he's dead and gone, that I'd tell them about their great grandfather andhow sweet he was, and how he had crved that for me, the first winter we were in this house, and that he did it with that old fashioned tool called the chain saw...lol. he then of course, being the man that I love and adore... started to joke around in an old man voice saying stuff like we heard our grandparents say... " back in the day, we had to chop and haul our own wood, we didn't have it as good as you kids have it today, where you just plant a tree and press a button and it falls to the ground already dried and cut and split ready to burn!"

I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes LOL...

here's a pic of the wood :)

( today is the 10th anniversary of our private committment ceremony too. just coincidently)

Overwhelmed with love

I'm sharing this here because I want the world to know how much I love my husband. Honey, I have wanted to tell you just how much I love you so many times in the past week, since our son's birth, but it seems I can never find the right words, or just when I think I have built up the courage to tell you, I lose it again. Or I can't find a way to put it in words, or without bawling my eyes out. I know I should not need courage to tell you how much I love you, but I do, one of my silly little things from my childhood that holds me back I guess. I love that you were so strong for me during the baby's birth and that I could count on you when I needed you the most. All the other stuff doesn't matter, 'cause the only one I paid attention to and who mattered to me was you. I'm so sorry that your in so much pain now from his birth, due to your illness. I know your in a lot of pain and tired a lot, an I undestand why that would make you crabby. I'm sorry I get snappy or crabby and bitchy with you, but please, please, please know that I am here because I love you and I need you in my life too. I guess I get that bitchy because I feel safe with you. I have never felt safe before in my life, and that scares the crap out of me, because every minute of the day I expect something bad to happen to take that away from me. Even with all the thinsg in our life we deal with that are less than perfect, I LOVE our family and our life and I am so scared that I could ever lose that. I love you more than I am ever capable of showing you, and I'm sorry that it seems that I can't but I am trying. Thank you for our son, he is the most beautiful little boy in the world and I hope he grows up to have your morals and family values and strength of character. I LOVE that he has your brow :) - in case that was missed in my ribbing. Thank you for loving me even when it is hard or impossible to do so. You're the only person in my life who has never given up on me, and we both know there are times when you should have. I love you eternally & forever.