Manic Monday

Well it seems....one can hope....maybe things around here will level out a bit now... my cyclical shift in hormones is weaning and therefore making me less scatterbrained and less umm...bitchy again.. according to the people around me anyway.. :P

Unfortunately with hormone fluctuations, it seems n matter how well the Concerta is working for me, I become a complete bumbling idiot at this time. it drives me nuts, because it affects me on so many levels, and I end up going around in circles like I have one foot nailed to the floor. I hate that it means that I spend my time catching up, and falling behind every month... I really need to get a handle on this, as the management of it right now if not effective. Suppressing my menses with a birth control pill, as my family practitioner suggested, has not been effective at ALL thus far.

So today meant the start of catching up on the stuff I always fall behind on during my cyclical trip to ADDworld for a week to 10 days.thankfully, when my mom & dad were passing through on the way home, my mom ( also ADD) whirled through my kitchen and cleaned it up for me, so I've been trying to stay on top of what she did, and not let it get too bad, so it has not been too bad.

I'm still feeling a bit sctterbrained, my attention span is pretty low... but I'm trying to push through.

Today I got up, feed the kids ( homemade waffles and icecream) They were totally impressed that mom gave them ice cream for breakfast, but hey.. I figure, it is dairy, and they'll eat it, and has no more sugar then a box of fruit loops with milk anyway, or pouring over half a bottle of syrup on them... and the coolmom points I gained for that maybe help offset how crabby I've been this last 2 weeks. After the icecream breakfast the boy required bathing because he was covered in icecream and he hates being sticky.one of his sensory issues, among others.

I went out and got a yard cart full of wood. made a fire. did a sink full of dishes,folded laundry, put more in washer, & switched some over to dryer.

Then I cut out pictures of clothes from the weekly ads for clothing stores. My daughter who is 8, never puts her clothes away when I give them to her, and her dresser is EMPTY, with her clean clothes all over her room getting mixed up with her dirty stuff. She's a visual learner,and get overwhelmed easily by stuff she thinks is too complicated or require multi steps to finish, so I asked if some pictures on the drawers would help and she said yes, so we sat together and cut out socks and underwear, sweaters, shirts, pj's and pants and dresses pictures and stuck them on her dresser with clear packing tape. Quick and dirty, but she was happy, and now she can see what goes where...4yo son wants the same done for him stuff. more cool mom points.

Then I went upstairs with my fixed computer to set it back up. Hubby finally looked at it last night after supper when I asked him to if I brought him everything he needed. I had alreayd had the power supply unscrewed and case open, and the power supply from the kids PC un hooked and ready to go inot mine. As suspected, the power supply had died for some unknown reason, but Dh was not up to looking at it since I had done that over 2 weeks ago. As I cannot edit any of my pictures or write anything without my computer, I was getting antsy, and I think did pretty good at not being pushy ( read crqabby and bossy) at him to look at it. it was not easy for him to do, but he did it, thankfully...( he got paid later in trade :P)

My computer is upstairs in the office, but no networking wires have been run yet, so I'll have to put stuff on a thumb drive and bring it down here to the laptop in order to upload anything to the internet, but at least I can work again. I need to get working on the websites.

Anyway, I got the computer hooked back up, and my desk moved a little more over to where I wanted it, unpacked 5 boxes, and made a few phone calls needed to be made about acquiring some real fire wood...yes already CUT & Split! I'm working on getting that in the next week...for the rest of our cold weather, and to help us get a head start on next year's cold season.

Then I fed hubby a late lunch, which required him reminding me he had not eaten to remember...concerta takes away my appitite, and when I'm not hungry I don't think of food, so I literally need a schedule or it is not even on my radar. He was complaining he was cold at his computer...our bedroom is on the main floor, and with some well placed fans and a good fire we can usually get it up to a decent 19 to 22 degress C in there, but for some odd reason the front door on the house blew open last night with minus -18 degress outside and was open for about 10 to 15 minutes before we really noticed...( because we were sitting right BY the fire) I kept saying to DH " why am I feeling such a cold draft all of a sudden?") The door somehow popped open, and was sitting WIDE open, letting out all the hot air , and our bedroom has been unable to get above 14 degrees C since last night. I was worried about our budgies getting a chill, as they are right near the way through the bedroom to the front door of the house, and the breeze was blowing through there, but they seem fine, thankfully.

I decided to do something about the issue, and hang the fan up high in the doorway as we'd been talking about for a while now.

Well being the ADDer I am...the tools I needed to hang the fan, were missing...still are in fact. this kind of thing, drive hubby NUTS, and in order to not go insane watching me, he had to just walk away and leave me to it, because I had to look for a drill bit and hookeyes etc. I searched and looked around and cannot find the drill bits, but my ADD saved the day, because I went to the workshop to get the ladder, and got sidetracked off searching through other stuff, and found a better option to hanging the fan that would not require the cuphooks and drillbit! :) I ended up finding a different option, and went on the mission to hang the fan by our bedroom entrance ( no door yet) to let the hotter air that rises go into our room. It took me over 2 hours to find the stuff I needed with that little side jaunt in the workshop, and getting the ladder, putting in the hooks, and getting the fan up there.. but I got it up there...hubby snapped a picture from his phone.

Super ADD Girl to the rescue :)



the black wire in the picture is a temperature sensor from a thermometer DH's father bought him for christmas, that has come in quite useful, as it tells us the temp up high where I hung it around the corner, and then also down low on his bedside table where the middle of our room basically is.

I had to go get another yard cart of wood, and make another fire, but it has now been an hour since I hung the fan and the bedroom is now gone from 14 to 17 degrees.. with the fan hanging blowing air that is at about 24 degrees into the room. Hopefully in another hour or so with keeping up with the fire , the bedroom should be back up to a decent temp.

now that I took all this time to write this I need to go make supper.. which I actually planned in advance ( a bit) so hopefully it won't take too long.

Happy Holidays

Homeschooling Grade System- By an 8 Year old

My daughter just came to me while I was cooking dinner and told me that school grading system suck, and this is how it should be a-Awesome b-Bad c-Close d-Do it again e-still undecided f-Fantastic t-Terrific!!

First Snow of the Year

While every where else around us has had enough snow to play with, we here, being so close to the lake, can't count on the weather systems to work the same way for everyone else. we are jetted out into lake Ontario, are are very often in our own little world when it comes to precipitation.

So, only today did we finally accumulate enough snow for the kids to actually be able to get dressed and go outside and play. It's a very dense wet snow and while not a welcome sight for hubby or I with us moving to our new house in 5 days, it IS the perfect snow for sledding and snowmen, which please the children beyond belief.

This is the first real winter that Bupba has the vocabulary to express himself well as the unique individual that he is. He's decided that he doesn't like snow pants and mittens because they make him sweaty.


I discovered this when I was packing the yard stuff on the trailer a friend lent me, when bupba came outside in just his spider man Halloween suit, boots and a wide open coat informing me of just how sweaty and yucky they made him.

Thankfully it is half snow and half rain so it is only about 2 degrees celcuis outside so he didn't freeze, but he will sure learn that mitts and snow pants are a welcome wardrobe for Canadian winters.

My daughter decided on making a snowman, and started one before we left to go grab more packing boxes from some stores in town, but came home to find that the said friend who'd brought by the trailer for us to use, had run over her snowman...she's doesn't build em big, so it was understandable that he didn't see it in his huge pickup truck backing the trailer into our yard.

when we got back, DD rebuilt her snow girl.
Bupba shoveled snow things around the yard while I put the yard stuff getting covered in snow into the trailer and then threw the shed roof over the top of it to keep it all from getting more covered with snow.

I've been so busy packing and cleaning and getting this move sorted out, that I haven't really been stopping to smell the roses like I try to do on a daily basis. So for a few minutes while outside I grabbed the small camera and took some pictures of the kids, and just stood in the yard and looked at the snow covered trees and took a breath.


It was nice, for just a moment I forgot that our life is housed in boxes right now.

Then I came inside and the crashing reality of just why we are moving hit me like a lead brick. the front hall in the house really sucks...you walk in from the front door, and there is stairs to go up, and then a door to the living room. And in the winter this hallway gets soaked with snow on the floor, wet clothes, and boots,mitts, hats and scarves. 4 people trying to undress from winter clothing in a 3 by 6 "hallway" really sucks...kind of like when I was in my 20's and would take the TTC home from work at rush hour being packed like sardines, but all trying to take off your boots and coat and not get your socks wet all at the same time. it's a chaotic awkward ballet of sorts.
This first snow was a reminder of just exactly why we are so blessed to be moving to a new house.

Green for Cheap

As a homeschooler, everything is a chance for learning, so a recent trip to the grocery store really presented itself as a lesson in marketing and being environmentally friendly for little or nothing, when my daughter suggested we buy a pretty bottled “green” cleaner for the toilet.

It drew her attention because of the pretty daisy on the clear bottle and the word “Green” with a picture of the earth. I just had to cringe at the blatant marketing scam, and shake my head as I watched three women pick up the bottle and stick it in their cart without even reading the bottle, all for the low, low price of $3.98 for a 500 mg spray bottle!

Green is the new marketing/advertisement buzz word these days, and it drives me nuts! If it says “green” on it, it must be good for the environment right?

I’m amazed that people will pay extra for something that claims to be environmentally friendly, not knowing if it really is, or even considering that there are much cheaper options available. Our society is far to conditioned to the use of convenience/time saving products that allow them to not have to put any thought into stuff because they are too busy. Meanwhile, these companies are laughing all the way to the bank with your green, just by claiming they are green and packaging it all in a pretty convenient spray bottle that lessens our “environment guilt” with each squeeze of the trigger.

The cleaning solution in question was made by a large company that makes other popular “non green” cleaners for every surface or appliance in your home, and this one’s claim to being green is that it was made with plant extracts and had no phosphates in it. On closer inspection on the back it did not even list it’s “natural plant extracts” ingredients, since they are only required to list the alcohol that was this cleaner’s base. It made me wonder if this product was simply green colored alcohol?

The pretty picture of a flower with water droplets on it’s peddles implied “fresh”, and the clear plastic bottle to show off the pretty green color of the cleaning liquid inside all call to me “buy me, I’m green”. I admit, the marketing department of this product did it’s job! Bravo! They make the consumer feel like they are doing good by buying this green product by making it appealing to look at. There was no denying it was actually green, so they cannot even be accused of false advertising. But heck, you can make your cleaning solutions green by soaking some fresh plant leaves from your back yard in the bottle of alcohol, or vinegar to clean the house if it makes you feel like your being “green”.

“Going green” does not need to be expensive with these gimmicky "Green" bottled cleaners that many people end up buying because they are so used to the years of brainwash marketing campaigns for things like Mr. Clean and Lysol., and air freshners that are laden with chemicals. Does anyone know what a natural house smells like anymore?

Being green means getting back to the way my grandmother’s generation did stuff before the fifties, when recycled newspaper and vinegar was used on windows rather than Windex and paper towel.

An old rag, a discarded tooth brush, baking soda and vinegar and elbow grease work just as well, or better. They are much cheaper, healthier for your family, and have much less packaging to recycle. All of which give piece of mind that you know what your actually using in your home. Some people complain that it takes longer and they don’t want to use “elbow grease” because they don’t have the time. But these products on TV they show wiping way the caked on dried spaghetti splatter on the stove takes “elbow grease” anyway! They don’t wipe it way as easy as they show in the commercials. A sponge with hot water and baking soda left on the dry spaghetti sauce splatter for two minutes while you do something else will wipe away just as easily with minimal “elbow grease”, as it would if you used a spray bottle of name brand kitchen cleaner. You still have to leave it to soak in, and scrub hard to get off anyway. Don’t be head faked by these company’s marketing ploys.

For the last seven years I have cleaned the house with only vinegar, baking soda, rags, cloth mops, elbow grease and a small amount of beach or alcohol for disinfectant when need be, which I limit due to my husband's severe chemical sensitivities from his illness.

I don’t buy paper towels, or disposable duster gloves or flushable toilet bowl wipes, or special cleaning solutions for floors that spray out of a mop and throw away wet mop rags that are marketed to women these days.

Are they convenient? I guess so, but the time it take one to throw that in the garbage, creating more waste for a land fill, is the same amount of time it takes me to dump my mop water down the laundry sink, and throw my rag or reusable rag mop top in the washing machine for the next load, that I can use again and again until I wear it out a year down the road.

Being environmentally friendly doesn’t need to cost you anything, and in fact it can save you money.

A box of no name baking soda at your local large chain “no frills” grocery store costs .99 cents, a large bottle of vinegar costs about $4.00, a bottle of lemon juice costs about $1.29, and bleach costs about $1.99. Rags can be made from kids old flannel pajamas, or cloth diapers for free.

We don’t need five different bottled products to clean the different areas of the house. The marketing of “bathroom” and “kitchen” cleaners has been ripping off consumers for years, and now they are making the same specialized cleaners in their “green” lines. They all do the same thing! Shop wise!

When I use dryer sheets in the winter when I’m not hanging my clothes on the line outside to save energy, I cut a box of 100 sheets into thirds, making 300 sheets. They work just fine to keep the static cling away cut in three, and last three times as long. The added benefit is I don’t go around smelling like the perfume scented fabric sheets. Liquid fabric softener, if you use them, can be diluted by ¾ softener to ¼ water, to make your bottle last longer It still works as well to soften the clothes and keep away the static.

Often I use a .99 cent lemon laundry soap bar that I grate up and soak in a dish of warm water to make it more gel/liquid state before I add it to the laundry load, because I do not have time to rub dirty areas of each garment with a bar of soap. In a pinch when I’m out of laundry soap this is a good cheap backup option to wash the laundry.

When I do use a bottle of laundry soap, which I only buy when it is on sale, I use half the recommended amount for a load. You never need as much as the bottle or box recommends. The company just wants you to buy more of their product sooner, to keep them in business. Sure, they are going to recommend more than is required to actually get your clothes clean. It’s good business for them. I can make a bottle marketed for thirty two loads last over 60 loads! Of course, if your clothes are really dirty from rolling in the mud and catching frogs in the swamp, which is known to happen around here, it won’t last as long, but it still can be stretched way beyond the suggested amounts.

Being environmentally friendly doesn’t need to be an expensive choice in life. Make your choices wisely. Don’t be fooled by gimmick marketing and pretty packaging.

Let's bridge the gap between parents of kids Diagnosed with Austism Spectrum

In recent years parents of Autistic children have been divided into two categories. Being told their child's vaccinations didn't cause their autistic traits, or parents of children with Autism from birth being made to feel like choosing to vaccinate ( or other parental choices) caused their child's Autism.

It is time to knock down the wall and stand together, rid of the guilt one way or the other and band together.

My daughter has been diagnosed with PDD NOS, the general blanket term for a child who has autistic traits co-morbid with other combined traits like oppositional defiance, sensory integration, auditory processing etc.

She's been that way since birth. In fact it runs deep in the family DNA, so I am well assured that any delayed and selective vaccination we did with her did not make her the way she is.

However, I do not agree with recent scientific studies and claims from the medical society saying that vaccines are not causing health issues for some children that are being labelled as Autism.

I don't disagree that families are seeing a correlation between the vaccinations and other environmentally caused health issues presenting them selves as a neurological issue that can be categorized under Autism Spectrim Disorder. It is something that I've been saying for years.

The problem is that when it walks and talks like a duck we assume that it is "just a duck", but we fail to see that there is more then one kind of duck in the world.

It seems at this point in scientific study, the medical establishment is unable to call what children affected by vaccines and other environmental issues like food allergies what it really is. The families of kids with acquired autism are being told they are wrong, when the correlation is as real as you or I.

I believe that we do not know a lot about the brain yet, and it's mechanics, and therefore nothing can be counted out...I believe that yes...environmental things like toxins, and things in vaccines could cause issues that present like textbook autism.. we just don't have a name for it yet, so these kids are being labeled as Autistic.

When the parents start to change diets, and stimuli and detoxify they child's system, and there is improvement, it looks negatively on us parents with a child who have ASD from birth due to wiring. ( some days I swear If one more person tells me my kid needs to stop drinking milk and she won't be like she is I'll smother them with a cow!)

No one wins when we are not open as a society at looking at both sides of this autism coin. We are doing these children and families of these acquired autism cases a disservice by not looking at it and accepting it as a legitimate issue.

We are doing the families with children who have had ASD from birth a disservice by fighting about the "cause " of autism, and making them think they did something "wrong" in choosing to vaccinate or drink milk , or eat hot dogs, or lick the batter from a cake batter ( or whatever someone thinks is the reasons tomorrow) while we waste time trying to find a "cure" and ease our parental guilt rather then learn to adapt and cope, and live better WITH autism.

I'm not for nor against vaccinating for the record... it is a personal choice that each family must make on their own.... as a parenting team my husband and I could not agree on vaccinations so we met in the middle with the decision to selectively delay vaccinations administered individually.

It is my belief that any child who presents with symptoms or traits of autism should be tested for toxins in the system... and tried on an elimination diet etc., and if that doesn't work, it can be assumed that they were autistic from birth and should be given the diagnosis of ASD GIN ( Autism Spectrum Disorder, Genetic In Nature) , and if they respond to detoxifying the system, or diet eliminations process, they should be given the label AASD EIN (Acquired Autism Spectrum Disorder-Environmental In Nature)

Which ever form of ASD you child has, however it happened, whenever it was notice, the children are showing signs of developmental delays and have extra needs that need to be addressed. We need to stop fighting about how it happened, it just did. We need to band together without guilt and blame, and work together to give the children the best lives we can. Be it, through learning to accept and cope with lifelong autism, or while going through reversing AASD EIN.

It's time to recognize both, and it's time to stop fighting with each other.

Rock Make Up

When I was 7, my best friend and I used to make our own make up. We'd take pretty colorful rocks and scrape them against other rocks to get a powder and apply it to our eyes for eye shadow. He'd take Vaseline and mix it up with berries from her grandfathers garden and make our own lip gloss. It is a fond memory I have of my childhood, and it recently came flooding back to me while in a store looking at makeup with my daughter.

She is fascinated with makeup right now, and being the cool , totally out of the box mother that I am, at 8 years old I'm letting her wear blush and lip gloss and eye shadow. I helped her pick out the colors, and gave her tips and hints on how to apply, and let her go to town.

She somehow manages to put the eyeshadow on like she is a cyclopes every time and has big blue and green streaks across the bridge of her nose! :) But, she's 8 and she thinks she is beautiful.

Some might wonder why we'd agree to let our 8 year old daughter wear make up, while I'm sure others think that we are outright wrong for doing so. It doesn;t matter to me what anyone else thinks, because it is our choice.. but for the sake of discussion...we did it for two reasons.

1. I'd rather she experiment now and make her mistakes at this age, so that when she's a teenager she knows how to put it on already and the novelty of it will have worn off by then, and she won't look like Mimi from the Drew Cary Show.

2. I'd rather she desire wearing make up for herself, rather then as a teenager because it is somehow tied to being pretty enough to attract the attention of the boys.

Now, I'm writing this because she and I have decided that we are going to experiment when we move to the new house and start making our own makeup. Namely gloss, blush and eyeshadow. The reason for this is because there is not much these days that does have "made in china" marked on it when we look at make up ( that is in our price range mind you), and with the tainted milk ( and powdered milk often being a filler in bubble baths and makeup) and lead in things these days, I'm in fear of giving my daughter lip gloss that has some sort of chemical in it that would leech into her lips and make her sick.

If we know where it came from, and what's in it, I'll feel better about it, and I think it would be a good chemistry/cooking lesson for her for homeschooling.

So my latest googling project has been to acquire homemade make up recipes and some small jars to hold stuff....things that are simple and that have easily attainable ingredients.

I think this will be fun, and I can't wait to get started :) Stay tuned ....

Cutest Ugly Doll Ever

Made by my daughter, who she named "Scrumples" The world's cutest ugly doll. Made of socks and a knitted winter hat and embroidery thread, stuffed with my 3 year old's underwear for stuffing LOL And it never would of happened if I didn't have a sock box full of unsorted socks, because I never pair them. I'm not lazy, I'm supplying materials to help bring out my daughter's creativity :) Ya.. that's my story and I'm sticking to it :P

Picture Parade

By popular demand! Ok, well, not really... but here are pictures from the first 3 days of the life of our family's new addition:

50 mins old, posing with his big sister 4 hours new and slinging out with Daddy Uncle J visits at 5 hours of age, his first family visitor Thinker Jr. and only 12 hours post-womb Bright eyed & Bushy Tailed at 21 hrs new Meeting Nana 23 hours and Sis & Bro ham it up again New PolarBear Outfit @ 46 hours old, I wonder who picked that out? Note that it was bought on his first short trip (to Wal-Mart the evening before at a day old) Snoozing after 54 hrs on the outside Sweats and Tees Already and only 3 days & 8 hours old Naps are good Mommy catches a biiiiiiiiiiiiig streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch And a sleepy tango to say goodnight...

Hope you like. All pop large in new windows, or they should if your pop-up blocker doesn't try to stuff them. Its amazing how much personality he is already showing, some comes through in these pictures.

the ER Episode..no not the TV show

The picture is of me and my daughter at 17 months old, a few months after this ER Episode

I am sure every parent at one time or another has had a health emergency with their child. But, when it's you, you're the only person in the world who has ever had to go through something like it. When you’re in that moment you never think to yourself that this has happened to others, you are just dealing with the problem the best way you know how.

This may never happen to you, and yet again, maybe it will. You may not think about me or my daughter the next time your rushing off to the hospital, and I hope you never have to, but this is something all parents need to know.

My Husband and I recently had a horrible experience with our 16 month old daughter. It was the most scary, terrifying thing to date I have gone through, and I hope to never go through it again.

A few months back my daughter had a febrile seizure. The night before Valentine’s Day, we were sitting in the living room and eating some french fries and I put her in her high chair to let her have some with us. I sat back down in my chair just a few feet across from her, watching her while she was eating. All of a sudden she started to lean to one side and her eyes were rolling back in her head.

It was so sudden and fast, that for a long time, and even now, I could not stop thinking about how I may not even have noticed it if I had not have kept her up from her bedtime, and let her share some fries with us, since she was so wide awake. She at this age, doesn't co sleep through the night anymore, much to my displeasure and much to her liking.

All of a sudden, she just started to twitch her fingers, hands and her feet. Her head drooped to the left side, while she drooled and her eyes were widely dilated. I spoke her name a few times and asked her to look at me but she was non responsive, with her eyes rolling back in her head!!!

I had a high school friend who was epileptic so I knew immediately that she was having a seizure, but not knowing why she was having one sent my brain spinning thinking of all the possible reasons, and worrying about her future!!!!

Diabetes, epilepsy, brain tumours, stroke, heart problems which run in my family, and blood clots all went running through my head. I was so sacred at that moment, the room was spinning so fast, yet time seemed to stand still.

I cannot put words to the screaming my soul was doing as I watched my husband pick our daughter up in his arms and try to let the mucous fall from her mouth and nose so she could breathe, while I picked up the phone a dialled 911. I ran so fast for the phone I hurdled over the coffee table to the couch like an Olympian. for a 4 foot 11 woman who is considered "morbidly obese " by the BMI, that's a feat in and of itself.

She was limp in his arms and he talked to her and tried to get her to come out of it by saying her name and asking her to wake up. I can only imagine that the expression of concern and fear on his face was mirroring mine.

While I was on the phone with 911 waiting for the paramedics, her lips started to turn blue from lack of oxygen! Panic and fear ruled our actions as I yelled at the person on the phone to do something and to get to the house faster!

The dispatcher told us to lay her on the floor on her back, but we were concerned about the mucous she was bringing up and the fact that she was not breathing well. So, my husband, having St John’s Ambulance training, laid her in the recovery position on her side, facing downwards. The dispatcher was probably directing us step by step to get her to the recovery position, but he was not fast enough for me! When my husband laid her on the floor on her side, she came out of the seizure which was not related in any way to putting her on the floor, but at least it was over. It only lasted about two minutes, but it felt like an eternity!!!!

She coughed a lot and breathed a bit better, but she was very confused and upset. Her little face was getting color back, and her eyes showed how confused she was, while she looked up at us for an explanation and reassurance.

Just about then the paramedics showed up, and assessed her, and carried her out to the ambulance and off we went to the hospital. She was dazed and quiet when they were there in the house, but began crying immediately when they picked her up. They would not allow me to carry her to the ambulance because it was February and slippery outside.

In the ambulance they strapped her down to the gurney, and she wailed at the stranger trying to confine her. They told me that was a good sign; a strong vocal cry meant she was doing well. That didn;t really make me feel better. well in a way it did, but I was also upset becasue she was afraid of a stranger and being tied down to the bed. I sat in the back with her while she cried and screamed out of fear for being strapped down to the bed and getting an oxygen mask on her face, and I cried in fear, from relief that she was not seizing anymore, and concern for what was to come, while trying to comfort her.

My husband rode in the front calling his mother two provinces away on our cell phone. We were calling to tell her about the emergency as well and to see what she had to say since she is a RN. She told us to hang in there, and to keep her informed and to let her know if she had a fever at all, because that would be a good sign.

When we got to the ER we found she had a fever of 103 degrees. They gave her Tylenol right away, and we changed her bum, because she pooped and peed during the seizure badly. After that, she was slowly beginning to get back to herself, looking around at all the things in the assessment area she was in.

We were in the ER for about 3 hours while they did a CBC, chest x-rays, and blood and urine cultures ruling out things like meningitis. In between the tests she was happily running all over the ER floor, checking things out, and playing with the bear that the paramedics gave her. The blood tests were the most traumatic for her, and it killed me to have to hold her own while they stuck her for the second time, because they had dropped the vile they had collected and smashed the container, making the sample useless.

After they gave her stickers for her teddy bear it was like nothing even happened as far as she was concerned. I, on the other hand was a basket cases trying to hold it together for my baby, while my husband who understood medical speak tried to reassure me.

Everything appeared to be fine, and she was ordered to stay on baby Tylenol for the fever to keep it down, and they signed her into stay on the paediatrics floor over night for observation.

They assessed her with having had a febrile seizure, due to a flu virus that my husband and I had been fighting off the last week, and said it was not really serious or life threatening. That didn’t make me feel much better at the time since we had to wait for the blood and urine results for a few days, and were basically sitting there with only speculation and no knowledge of why she had had the seizure. I felt even worse when they told me that not much is known about why some children have them and others do not, but they were fairly sure she would never have one again.

We had a terrible time in the Paediatrics Ward. When we got there they knew we were coming up from the ER, but had no clue as to why, and asked us silly questions. I am sure they were just trying to fill out their charts and get caught up on the situation, but they thought she had the seizure earlier in the day and only brought her in at midnight and were rather rude to us. ( same hospital she was looked at after she was born, seemed that the "great" staff are all the same regardless of what ward they are in.)

Since my daughter was scared and tired without her natural surroundings to be comfortable she slept for all of 30 minutes out of pure exhaustion and cried hysterically the rest of the time until almost six a.m.

I finally had enough of them not doing anything for her but giving baby Tylenol. they never offered her a drink, a cool towel, or anything to comfort her. I finally lost my patience for the whole situation and signed her out of the hospital against medical advice, since they were not doing anything for her that I could not do for her at home anyway.

I felt the traumatic experience of being in the hospital was worse for her then the actual seizure. They told us she could not see her own paediatrician until 10 am and they didn’t even offer her a drink of juice which I felt was common sense that a child with a fever should be kept well hydrated, but they just ignored us mostly until we were trying to sign out.

We got her home, checked her temperature, gave her more Tylenol at the next four hour interval, and a big cup of orange juice, and she slept until the early afternoon peacefully, with me and my husband nervously checking in on her every 10 minutes.

We were very tired, but relieved a bit, that she was back to her normal little self.

I didn’t know anything about febrile seizures so off to the Internet I went seeking information. I had to search it more to ease my mind.

I had been so scared to death that I was losing my beautiful little baby, the explanations I got from the ER doctor was not enough for me to feel better, since I had never heard of this happening before.

I found out from reading and talking to lots of other parents that febrile seizures are a lot more common than I thought they were, and I now know about five families who have had their child have a febrile seizure or even more then one.

It turns out that Febrile Seizure means “fever seizure”, which simply is when the body gets a fever very fast and it causes the body to start convulsing. It is thought to be caused more from how fast the fever comes on then the actual temperature the fever reaches.

Generally the child will lose consciousness and their body will twitch, be very limp and will be moving the limbs on both sides of the body. Although it is less common to see, some can become rigid or have twitches on one side only, such as a twitching arm or leg on one side only. I didn’t understand that at the time they were asking how she acted in the seizure, but it was important to know because grand maul Seizures are different in appearance and can last much longer.

About only 3 to 5% of Children between the ages of 6 months and 5 years can be prone to having them if they get a fever that causes the body to become over heated within a short period of time. There seems to be an unknown reason for children to stop having fever induced seizures after the age of five, but the medical society speculates it is due to some unknown maturation of the brain, that was not present before at a younger age when they would have had the febrile seizure.

The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke funded scientists are looking at what environmental and genetic risk factors cause children to be susceptible to febrile seizures. Some studies suggest that women who smoke or drink alcohol during their pregnancies are more likely to have children with febrile seizures, but more research needs to be done before this can be clearly established as a direct link. They have determined that children who are prone to febrile seizures could have a genetic pre-disposition to them if they had a parent or grandparent who had them as a child. But they can occur in children with no genetic predisposition for them at all, as our daughter was.

They are also working to locate factors that can help predict which children are likely to have recurrent or long-lasting febrile seizures, while they continue to monitor the long-term impact that febrile seizures might have on intelligence, behaviour, school achievement, and the development of epilepsy. At this time there seems to be no evidence of long lasting effects of them, and it is not a determining factor for children who develop epilepsy

A febrile seizure usually lasts no longer than 1 to 3 minutes, and is not harmful and leaves no long lasting effects to the child, that has been detected so far. Usually the only cause for concern with a febrile seizure is if the seizure lasts longer then fifteen minutes. They do not need to be treated with anti convulsion medications, and there have been some indications of the medications being more harmful to the child the seizure itself. If your child is not diagnosed with a condition and has only had a febrile seizure, it is recommended that seeking a second opinion, if the doctor suggests it, is a good idea.

A week later we had an appointment with our daughter’s paedatrition and he recommended the course of action with a febrile seizure is to treat the fever with keeping her well hydrated and using an over the counter children fever medicine. It will not allow the body temperature to spike fast again, possibly causing another one. He said since our daughter had the seizure for the first time, it was a good idea that we took her to the hospital and got tests to rule out serious problems like meningitis, roseola, upper respiratory viral infections or epilepsy, but if she had them again with a fever present, there is usually no need to rush off to the hospital each time for tests.

Our paediatrician recommended laying the child on their side in the recovery position, making sure the mouth is clear of any food, or objects, and allowing the seizure to run its course. You should track how long the seizure lasts if you can remember to look at a watch, so you can tell your doctor. If it lasts longer than ten minutes you should take them to the hospital. Once the seizure is over, helping your child understand that they are ok, and comforting them and you, and treating the fever is the next step. The child’s doctor should be informed of the reoccurrence, and they may wish to run some tests the next day, but the emergency room is unnecessary unless it lasted for a long time.

Health Canada and the World Health Organization says that you should never hold or restrain a child during a convulsion, and to prevent choking, gently remove all objects in the child's mouth. The parent should never place anything in the child's mouth during a seizure, as was once thought many years ago.

The majority of children with febrile seizures have rectal temperatures greater than 102 degrees F. and that most febrile seizures occur during the first day of a child's fever.

The chance of a child having another seizure is 25% to 30%. And the more febrile seizures a child has, the higher the chance of them having repeat ones increases. Most children won't have a second seizure and the risk of another febrile seizure is slightly higher if your child is younger than 18 months when they had the first one, if there's a family history of febrile seizures, or if the fever wasn't very high when the seizure occurred.

It was a scary thing to experience as a parent, and still even to this day, many months later, I keep an eye on her if she has signs of a flu or cold with a slight fever, for that fear still in the back of my mind. She has remained seizure free since then, and continues to grow and become a very exploitative happy toddler.

I held her so close for days after that ER episode, just hugging and kissing her forehead and thanking the powers that be for allowing her to still be with us and remaining a healthy child, I think I've made her crazy

The Story of the Day I Became MamaRil

On the afternoon of October 21^st, 2000, we went to vote at a local municipal election. An election officer asked me when I was due, as I was feeling some pressure and rubbing my swollen belly, drawing attention to myself while I waited for DH to finish his registration. I told her I was due November 29th, but if I had the baby tomorrow I would not be upset in the least. Well. It seems that the baby was listening, and decided to grant me my unintentional wish!

I began having what I thought were Braxton-Hicks contractions around 9 p.m. Saturday night while we ate pizza and watched the election results on TV. The back pain that accompanied the false labour was worse than the contractions, and I was getting more and more uncomfortable. I just chalked it up to pelvic pain, as I had read that it was a normal thing this stage of the game, and I had been having menstrual like cramps for most of the day before.

I would look at the clock every now and again, timing the twinges, all the while telling myself it was nothing because there was no pattern to the twinges I was feeling. I basically tried to ignore the contractions, and concentrated on staying comfortable with the back pain. Certain positions were better than others were. While watching a TV movie (She’s Having a Baby) I had DH put his hands on my butt and rub my back and bottom to ease the pain. It helped, but he was unable to keep it up as much as I desired him to, so I decided to retreat to the bathtub. This was around 2 am, when the movie was over. The water was as hot as I could take it, and made me feel so much better that I did not want to get out. I lazed in the tub for a while, and then got out feeling better and retreated to bed with my husband. We laid and talked for a while, and the back pain came back lying in bed. We thought that making love would slow the slight twinges of contractions I was feeling in my belly, as having an orgasm for me had worked to stop false labour before. As it turns out I was actually in real labour and we were making love while my contractions were about 5 minutes apart!!! I had a contraction at the same time as I had an orgasm, and it was a very uncomfortable, intense and pleasurable feeling all at the same time.

The pain I was feeling was getting irritating now; I just wanted to go to sleep, because we were supposed to be painting the baby's room the next day. I could not relax in bed, and I was tossing and turning so I decided to get out of bed and do something to occupy myself. I tried to do the dishes, and chat online but I could not concentrate on the tasks with the back pain. Each contraction I felt made the back pain really intense. By this time I am starting to feel a bit uncomfortable emotionally with how intense the pain was getting, and begin to worry that maybe I should be going to the hospital to get checked, but I knew if I did that I would regret it. I went and got back in the tub again, as it was the ONLY thing that made me feel good at all. I did not even think of setting up the pool because I still did not think I was really in labour.

I lay in the tub on my side to get my belly under the water, and hung my arm and leg over the side of the tub. I actually dozed off a bit between contractions, waking up when one would come along. I am not sure how long I did that for. Once in a while I would get up and sit on the toilet and try to have a bowel movement, because it felt like I had to really bad. The baby had not lightened or engaged at all yet and I had no bloody show at all that I had noticed. The last few days before hand I was losing a LOT more clear thick mucous. While I was sitting on the toilet it felt like I was losing more, and I would check and nothing came out that appeared to be my “plug” yet. I was relying on what the books said and this was definitely not text book labour. I was sure I was not really in labour since all the signals that tell a woman she is in labour were not present. I moved back to the tub and got comfortable enough to rest more. I don’t know how long after that I woke up from dozing with a rather strong contraction, and it quickly prompted me to throw up. I knew that some women threw up when in transition, so I figured that I MUST be in labour.

It made no sense to me, the baby had not dropped or anything yet!!! Then, with that thought, the baby dropped and engaged in my pelvis, as I was standing in the tub, trying to get back in to ease the pain. I actually felt the drop, it happened rather fast, just one minute she was up, and the next she wasn't and my belly felt softer at the bottom where her head used to be. I was also feeling a weird sensation in my vagina, and I kept checking to see if I was losing my plug. Looking back, I realise now that what I was feeling was actually the cervix dilating very fast.

I was getting a bit concerned and thinking to myself “If this is real labour, it is the weirdest labour I have ever heard of!”. The contractions were not set apart at definite times, and the baby just dropped, and I still had my plug.

I called out to DH a few times, but he was fast asleep and did not hear me. I finally made my way out of the tub and woke him up and told him that I thought I was in transition because I threw up and the baby dropped.

He was irritated with me because I was being really whiny for false labour, and I am usually not whiny about stuff, not to mention the fact that I just woke him up from a deep sleep. He got up and checked my cervix for dilation. He said there was nothing there, having checked and felt something that seemed firm like a closed cervix. I got back in the tub yet again, and while he sat there on the toilet watching me, I was in the middle of transition and feeling a lot of discomfort.

I could not stay in one place so I got out of the tub walked around the house naked and wet trying to work through the contractions and back pain. DH got me to lie down and checked my cervix again in case what he was feeling the first time had changed or he was not feeling what he thought he was feeling. He estimated that I was about 5 centimetres dilated, and what he really felt the first time was the baby’s head. He was not sure enough to want to share this info with me because I was getting worried, and he was trying to protect me from anxiety. But with this lack of information I was still in denial that I was really in labour.

At this point it was the most intense pain felt at all. I started to think stuff like, if this is fake labour and it hurts THIS much, what in the heck am I going to do when the real labour comes along. It was negative thoughts I told myself I wouldn’t have during my birth, but the pain was getting the better of me for the moment. I got back in the tub, and I kept telling DH that I could not handle this pain anymore.

Once again, I was back out of the tub, I grabbed the pillows off the bed and laid on the floor of our bedroom hugging the pillows on all fours and rocked back and forth, and begged DH to rub my lower back and bum. He tried to talk to me to keep me relaxed and calm, and started to time the contractions. They were all over the place, at 6:46 am he timed the first one, it went until 6:47:10, and the next one came at 6:47:29 and lasted until 6:49:10. They were all over the place and really short. It just did not make sense to us, nothing was there to indicate that is was REAL labour according to everything we had read and prepared ourselves for.

Nothing until my water broke at about 7:20 am, that is! I was going through a contraction in the living room, and I squatted down and supported myself with the couch and felt the most amazing pleasurable strong desire to naturally push. I heard a pop noise and about a cup of my water spilled out of me. I told DH that my water broke, and he asked me if I was sure that it was not just pee, since I, like most women at this late in the pregnancy have trouble with bladder control. I said, "No, it broke!" At this point I was really annoyed, but everything was going so fast I didn’t have time to really be at all.

He checked the puddle on the floor and determined that it was my water, clear and clean. He looked at me and asked me what I wanted to do and left the decision up to me. I then took 20 seconds to decide what to do. I was 5 weeks early, and this was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. I said, “Get the pool ready, we are gonna do this here, and we’ll decide later if we will take the baby to the hospital.” I knew that if we decided not to have the water birth because the baby was early, that I would regret it later and that if I even called an ambulance the baby would probably have been here before they even arrived. (Our car had died about 4 weeks before, so we had no other options to get to the hospital.)

Knowing I was really in labour, the negativity and confusion left me and my intuition told me that everything was going to be fine.

The contractions kept coming fast so DH told me to get back in the tub, while he began to run around the house in a mad rush to get everything ready. Thinking that sometimes women have broken water for a long time we didn’t know how long a labour at this point we were in for. I climbed back into the tub and tried not to push through my contractions even though the desire to was very overwhelming. I didn’t want the baby to be born in our shallow tub where I might not be able to be fully covered in water for a full emersion waterbirth.

DH was coaching me to breathe through each contraction and not push too much. I laid there staring at the shower head counting and breathing. Between contractions he ran around the house getting the already inflated pool that was sitting up against our dining room wall, and brought it into the unpainted, unfurnished baby room, and cranked the heat up; Ran back to me to coach me through another contraction; ran around again to get towels and fill the pool with the water bed kit.

I could not wait for him to get that pool set up; I just wanted to get in the pool. The tub was getting cool and there was not enough water to cover my belly. Finally, in record time (only about 5 minutes), there was enough water for me to climb into the inflatable kiddie pool and DH helped me to the bedroom and I climbed in and kind of sat back with my arms up on the sides to support my back to ease the pain. The water was nice and warm and took away my pain. All I felt now was the desire to push. NO PAIN! I had another contraction and I pushed a little but breathed through the last of it. DH warned me to take it slow to reduce the stress on my perineum, and I wanted to be sure I did not tear, as this baby was coming really fast.

At some point around now I put my hand down between my legs and felt the baby's head about an inch from my vagina opening. It was all very emotionally overwhelming and amazing at the same time. DH said the baby's head retreated a little back inward between the next contractions.

With the next one I pushed again a little, and breathed through the rest of it. I told John that I could not hold back any longer and that I had to just do it. I had to push with the next one that was coming right on top of the last contraction. He massaged and supported my perineum to ease the chance of a tear, and asked me if I felt any stinging sensation that woman feel when the baby crowns. I did not feel anything like that at all, and certainly not anything that was bad or gut wrenchingly intense, like I was told to expect from family and friends.

With the next contraction I pushed and the baby's head was out of my body! To me, at this point, it felt like everything happened at once. I do not remember it taking another 30 seconds for the baby's body to be birthed. Dh was right there in the pool with me, and he caught our baby at 7:37am

She gave two little breaststrokes in the water and then he lifted her out. And all this took place in only 17 minutes after my water had broke in the living room! He lifted our beautiful child up and turned her over to reveal that she was a girl!

Dh held her head-down for a moment or two to make sure all the fluid drained out, and checked her for mucous. She gave two little tiny cries to let us know that she was fine, and was very calm and relaxed. I was over come by happiness and joy internally, and a little shock, because I had myself convinced I was having a boy, and it happened so fast. Dh said the expression on my face was priceless when he told me she was a girl. The first thing I said to our little daughter was, "Breathe little girl" calmly and gently, absolutely forgetting that we had her name already picked out.

She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. We held her head-down again to be sure to clear her mucous as she was a little rattley and we had no bulb. I cradled her in my arms and kept her under the water to her chest to keep her warm. She was so curious and looked around the room in wonder. I tried for a bit to get her to suckle at my breast but she was more interested in looking around the room. She was wide eyed and fascinated with everything that was going on.

I stayed in the pool with the baby while Dh brought a phone to the pool so I could call my mother. Still sitting in the pool with the cord still attached to my daughter I called her to tell her she was a grandmother and that she had missed out on her first grandchild’s birth. She was shocked, since she was two provinces away, at my cousin’s wedding. She was amazed to hear the baby cooing so soon after birth and a little worried because she was not crying.

“Babies are supposed to cry when they are born!” She said.

She was going to attend her birth to take pictures. The funny part of it was, that I joked with friends that it would be really funny if I went into labour and mom missed the birth while she was away. I never thought it would really happen. I’ll never again scoff at the superstition of a wish coming true if you make it while rubbing a pregnant woman’s belly!

We cut the cord long after it stopped pulsing (about 30-45 min. later) and wrapped the baby up in a pillow case of all things because that was all we had that was soft for her skin, and then wrapped her in a towel for extra warmth. I tried to get her to suckle to help release the oxytocin I would need to birth the placenta, but she couldn't get the tongue thing down right. I tried nipple stimulation, but I did not have any contractions starting.

About a half and hour to forty minutes later I had two contractions, and with the second, I birthed the placenta into my stainless-steel bread baking bowl. By that time my grandfather had showed up by then to give us a ride to have the baby checked out and the expression on his face as I walked by with my placenta in a bowl was something I wish I had a picture of!

The placenta seemed to be intact, and I was not bleeding at all. We then got the baby bundled well and headed to the hospital to have her and the placenta checked over to ensure everything was fine.

The baby became a little jaundiced, nothing to be really concerned about, but they were being extra cautious because she was a month early, and we had had her at home. They told us the reason she was jaundice was because we waited "too long" to cut her cord. We did not have a chance to refuse the vitamin K shot, because the nurse was giving it to her before she even explained it to DH, so he could say no.

I was irritated with that, because babies who have their cord cut later and get the extra blood from the placenta do not need the vitamin K shot, and it has been shown in studies to increase the incidence of jaundice. Waiting to cut the cord is beneficial to the baby, and they were acting like we took such a big risk with waiting. Which is completely assanine as the emergency meathod for Ambulance and firemen to birt a baby is to keep the umbilical cord intact when in the “field”.

We refused the eye drops, with a lot of fuss from the doctor. But finally got our wishes followed, when I stood my ground and said I’d sign a wavier. We spent 5 days as patients at the hospital, while she was put under phototherapy lights to lower her bilirubin, which wasn;t even necessary as her levels we not even high enough for concern, they were just using it as an excuse to keep us. Dh was able to room in with me the whole time as well, so we were not apart too much from her, but still we were apart more then I wanted to be. They were good to let me in as a patient as I really did not need to be there. But because I was breastfeeding they allowed me to stay.

Some things went on while we were in the hospital that still makes my blood boil even now when I think about it. They poked and prodded her being overly cautious because we birthed her at home on purpose. They tried over nine times to get a blood sample that was already done an hour earlier, but they were taking more blood “just in case” they wanted to reconfirm her results. She was so upset and cried so hard that she threw up all the precious colostrum that I had just fed her, and pooped all at the same time. The nurse then told the doctor that she was not accepting food and needed to be put on an IV. I was livid!!! I sat and cried while my baby lay in an incubator because the hospital caused the need for her to be there out of stupidity, pride and arrogance.

Because I was crying they had nurses ask me is I was depressed and did I need a councillor? I wasn’t depressed; I was pissed! I believe that she caused the baby to have two apnea episodes right after that trauma, and it was very scary.And then because of the apneas they put her on the monitors and said she needed to be watched to be sure she was fine. What made me even more mad was that they told about it like it was as non important as if she had just had a poop and her diaper was changed.

DH told the nurse off and demanded that she not touch our child again. The Doctor apologized profusely and from then on took her blood himself to test her bilirubin. When her IV failed and they said they would have to put it in her head next I said “no way!” and refused and just showed them that she was able to feed well, and that the nurses were being prejudiced against us for a homebirth.

They assigned a social worker to us while we were there, and she stuck her nose in our business when the doctor would be updating us on our daughter’s tests etc. She tried to get the doctor to say that we caused her to be sick, and that we took a really big change with “such a precious commodity” (her words) By homebirthing in water.

By the last day we were there I was so ready to kill that woman that I had to have DH head her off at the door so I would not see her, I was ready to tear a strip off her. She was implying that we did not understand how precious our baby was, because we decided to birth her at home in a natural environment and to keep her away from vultures like the NICU nurse.

Our birth was not the "perfect " birth that goes without it's twists and turns, but it was what we were meant to experience. I am so glad we had our little butterfly at home. It was perfect for us, and a very positive experience overall. I wish we had been able to skip the hospital routine crap, I feel it did more emotional harm than physical good, as she was very healthy from the start.

Looking back now, she was perfectly healthy and if I had not have been in such a state of amazement, I would have been better equipped to assess that and would have not allowed my mother’s insane rantings on the phone over 1200 kilometres away, to make an assessment she was not qualified to make, and have me thinking I needed to go to the hospital.

The doctors and nurses kept calling her a preemie, with a tone in their voice like it was a bad thing. I think I am just one of those women who has a shorter gestation time. Who said nine months is an absolute anyway? Nine months is the "NORM" but I think I have proven that I am not the "NORM" in anything I do.

I felt that she was just ready to come. She was the biggest “preemie" in the NICU. She weighed 5 pounds and 9.4 ounces. She is very strong and continues to amaze people with her determination for life. Even at 10 days old everyone commented on how full of love and life she was. Given that we HAD to be in the hospital, and was not comfortable with that, I felt that the paediatrician was a very good doctor, and looked out for her best interest. And he respected our decision to have home birth even though he was not of the same opinion and as soon as she was able to room in with me, he let her out on a "pass".

We got to take her home and just had to come back in for routine blood tests for three days to see that she was doing fine. He knew we wanted to get home to bond more with her. She was never alone long in the NICU, but it still killed me to leave here there, even thought I tried to reason with myself that it was a short time. I was there every three hours to nurse her and DH and I stayed with her for about an hour each time. I still feel that she would not have been jaundiced and needed to stay so long, if she had not had the VIT K shot.

I had only a small skin split in the perineum with her, which healed nicely without medical attention (that was offered profusely, but refused adamantly) in less than 38 hours. I had some back pain that lingered and came up now and again for a few days, and my muscles were really sore from labouring, but I must say for me, that birth was a wonderful experience that I will always remember with happiness. I accepted the after pains with joy, knowing I birthed my daughter well. We were in the local newspaper on the following Monday for having an at-home unassisted birth. It was a nice article, even though they made a few mistakes with the information.

For me childbirth was the positive empowering experience I was looking for. For Dh, I think it was empowering as well, for it is not many a Daddy in our society who can claim that they caught and helped Mommy birth their firstborn child. It has definitely brought us closer together, being through such a joyous celebration of life.

A few days after our daughter was born I bought him a Thank You card to tell him how much he means to me, because it seemed I could not find the words to express my gratitude for this beautiful gift I call my daughter.

Somewhere around then is when DH started calling me MamaRil.. and I liked it, and it stuck