The Poop Parade

Have you ever been to a poop parade? No?!? Oh my, you don't know what your missing.  
 
My daughter is the grand marshall of the poop parade.  
 
At 4 years old she cannot master the "wiping off the poo" thing.  
 
Some days it is fine, she'll jot off to the bathroom and call me when she's done to wipe the poo. But some days, she is more full of it than usual and she decides to have a poop parade, where she won't go to the bathroom and decide to try and keep the poo in (!!!) - only to find out it comes out anyway. On the floor. Or on her hand. Or she'll have small rabbit turd poops 12 times in 3 hours.  
 
I'm going to buy stock with cottonelle, I swear!  
 
You cannot decide not to attend the poop parade, your presence is required.  
 
I find myself this evening telling my daughter. "You poo in the toilet, you don't catch the poo and drop it in the toilet! Do you understand!?"  
 
In the moment, I find this irritating as I have to wipe her clean and get her to wash herself AGAIN. But, I can tell my husband finds this a funny conversation as I hear him giggling from the living room.  
 
I guess when you're 4 and your life experience is pretty limited you REALLY DON'T KNOW that you CANNOT poo in your hand and catch it ( you say that fast enough it sounds like catsh*t), and then dump it in the toilet. Well, you can. It just isn't really DONE unless you are into some kinky poo. 
 
Whoever said when you become a parent your life revolves around poo, was not kidding!!!  
 
Just as I am hoping to have a child who can begin to wipe her own poo, I am about to give birth to another who will need me to change the poopy diaper, and potty train.  
 
I'll be wiping the poo for another 4 years... or more.